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February 7th, 2008
07:19 pm - why!!
I don't know if anyone has ever had to do this....but it totally sucks having to live with a significant other!!
This is really starting to get to me.
The one thing that I really miss about him is just hanging out. Watching t.v. together or having tickle fights, cuddling, just looking at him and knowing what I see in his eyes is love shining back at me. Now when he looks at me, he looks at me like I'm a stranger. Like I never meant anything to him at all.
I really miss his friendship. I miss it allot. He was my best friend for three years. And now the guy that he is now is a total stranger to me. Gone is the love that used to shine from his eyes when he looked at me, there are no more casual touches, no hugs, no kisses, not even casual conversation.
I guess my "wall" is starting to crack. I've been doing so well up until recently. Been keeping to myself, not really talking to him more than necessary . (even though it sometimes kills me not to just chatter away with him) I used to tell him everything that was going on in my life. Now I don't have that luxury. He doesn't care what happens to me in my day to day life. He just wants to know when I'm going to get the fuck out of here.
It's hard looking at him, because he looks like the guy I used to love with all my heart. My soul mate, my ever lasting perpetual dream. Or so I thought he was. But I guess I was wrong. He wasn't my soul mate, he wasn't the love of my life, and we weren't meant to be together forever. I really wish I hadn't of fallen so in love with him. I wish I hadn't alienated myself from everyone who cared for me because I thought I was doing it for him. I should of never stopped being who I was. Now the person that I am right now at this present moment is.......I don't know who I am at this present moment. I know who I want to be.....I think. Right now I'm not sure of anything. All I know is that I can't be living here for much longer. I really need to get out of here.
Current Mood:  depressed
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February 3rd, 2008
03:31 am - Quiz
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Do you have an inclination for BDSM?
created with QuizFarm.com |
| You scored as Experimental (((Note: I haven't covered all aspects of BDSM in this quiz due to the length the quiz would have to be. It is sex-based because psychological profiles can be complicated and motivations for engaging in fetishes vary with couples and individuals. I have written this category as one of the alternatives because this quiz is to test inclination not a definite interest in BDSM.)))
Experimentation is a great place to be. Open-mindedness when it comes to sexuality can open doors and allow you to discover things that you didn't think you would find engaging. Having such a curious attitude can help you learn more about your own sexual nature as well as the nature of others.
Experimental |
| 96% | Sadist |
| 79% | Masochist |
| 68% | Exhibitionist / Voyeur |
| 68% | Submissive |
| 64% | Switch |
| 61% | Bondage |
| 46% | Dominant |
| 43% | Degradation Lover |
| 29% | Vanilla |
| 21% |
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January 8th, 2008
12:45 pm
since i'm new to this i'm going to be "collecting" friends from different sources here on LJ. so i've been looking at all of the communities out there and some of them seem really interesting to me. i could use a little guidance. (maybe a slap on the ass ;) )
If someone can help me in my quest for knowledge in the whole sex area, well hey, make me your friend ;) . Anything anyone can tell me would be helpful.
If you just want to talk dirty to me that would work as well. I like it all. I'm not shy.
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09:56 am - vanilla
Right now I'm in a relationship with a wonderful guy. I love him to death, I mean I've tried enticing him with all kinds of sex. I don't think sex is our problem really, I mean we have an ok sex life. We don't do all the things that I would like. Sometimes I just wish he would tie me up and have his way with me. Just the thought of not being able to cover myself as he is touching me is very stimulating and makes me wet just thinking about it.
There are so many things that I want to try. Curiosity. Experimentation with my sexuality. Those are things I want to do with my current boyfriend. We've dabbled in some stuff, but nothing exciting. For the most part it's all vanilla.
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09:51 am - new to this
so i'm totally new to this. by this i mean the bdsm, the journal writing and everything else I write in here. I've had journals before, i keep a personal one at home, but i'm always afraid that someone will get a hold of it and all of my secrets would be out, so i plan on not censoring this journal and speak totally from the heart.
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sexynovice_bdsm's journal